Bodymind Transformation Institute®
DYING FOR LOVE!
Mark McFeely, Natural Healer / BodyMind Transformation® Consultant.
years ago I met a lady who was receiving radiation treatment for her second
When asked to elaborate on this, she told her story; A few years earlier, she had a normal, uninteresting life. Her two daughters were in their mid teens, going to school, or out playing with their friends. Her husband worked all day, and spent the evenings in front of the television with his newspapers and magazines. He was a hard working man and needed his time to relax. While she cooked his supper, he would respond to her attempts at conversation with grunts and nods, but his attention was never with her.
A visit to her doctor revealed a lump in her breast which turned out to be malignant, resulting in a mastectomy, and a program of treatment to stabilize her. This changed everything at home. The girls and her husband were wonderful. They took such good care of her; cooking, tidying the house, shopping for groceries, spending lots of time with her, taking care of her every need. She was waited on hand and foot. The girls rarely went out, and the TV was off most of the time. She never felt so loved and cared for before in her whole life.
About a year later she had made a total recovery, and everyone was relieved and impressed. Eventually life returned to normal. The danger was over, the pressure was off, so the girls started staying out again, the TV and the newspapers resumed as before, and the nods and grunts took the place of conversation. Everything was as it was before.
Guess what? No prizes for this one. Yes! She developed a tumor in her other breast, which resulted in yet another mastectomy. At the time of our conversation she was in great danger of dying, as the cancer was spreading rapidly. In spite of this she was happy, because she had, "....everything I want. I have my family around me." The girls were staying home, the TV was off, and everything was being done for her. Her friends were calling by to see her, and bringing lovely gifts. She was hardly ever on her own or without someone fussing over her. The sad part of this was that she was going to die, and leave the very people whose love she wanted. Simply she was dying for what she thought was love. The price was very high, but she accepted being loved to death.
It was so sad to see her sacrifice her flesh to get that which she did not know how to ask for. She would not dare to ask the girls to spend time with her, or to help her with chores, because she didn't want to impose on them. She tolerated her husband's behaviour because she could see that he was a hard working man and a good provider. She could not justify asking for more from him. She could always understand why she could not have what she wanted, and would die rather than be unreasonable. She said that she thought it was easier to die than make the changes. In her case it was a clear conscious decision that she did not intend to recover from this illness.
This is not a rare scenario where cancer is concerned. I have seen so many people who love each other dearly, but are sadly lacking in intimacy. Love is not the answer - intimacy is. Real intimacy is being able to open up, sharing the little details, and risking everything with your partner. Don't wait for life threatening situations to let down the barriers. Lack of communication in relationships can be deadly. Very often the person with cancer is the type who endures quietly, stuffing his, or her feelings. When you ask them how they are, they usually say, "Fine!" They are afraid of being overwhelmed by their feelings, if they do open up, so it feels safer to endure.
this rings true for you, or someone you know, act now. Reach out and get
help. There are people out there who can easily assist in changing this
deadly chemistry. Don't waste a life, especially if it's yours. There
is a lot you can do about it.
Mark McFeely, 2/93.
McFeely is a Master Healer and Transformational Facilitator,
person, or by phone, by appointment only.
read this disclaimer: